Behind closed doors

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People often praises me for appearing so positive about my daughter’s condition.

To these people, I’d like to say:

> Every Human Being who faces hardship in life will automatically try to handle the situation to the best of their capability. This is Human nature, isn’t it?

> Having a child with Special needs didn’t transform me into a Super mum or a Super Hero. Far from that… Most of the time, I am feeling weak and vulnerable.

> I have not accepted Autism but I acknowledged its presence and its impact in our lives.

> Some days, I am “tolerant” and some days, I lack patience (my number one weakness!). On these misty days, I feel like a complete failure. I am the spoilt child in front of my daughter who is demonstrating so much altruism and compassion.( Altruism and compassion, features you “presumably” hardly find in people with Autism…)

> I am the mother, I am the Neurotypical but at the end of the day, I am learning a big deal of wisdom from this child.

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My blog, my experience!

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I write on this blog from a parent perspective. I don’t see myself as an Autism Master, Guru whatsoever. I am just here to share my experience on how Autism is affecting me and my family in our everyday life.  I would love stigmas and stereotypes on this condition to be eradicated and these from the Muslim community in particular. This blog is the way I chose to fight it.

There are thousands of Facebook pages and blogs run by Non-Muslims parents.  MashAllah, it is amazing to witness how complete strangers living miles away from each other bond so easily “thanks to “Autism. Although at times, I do find myself overwhelmed by my daughter’s condition, little things such as these pages fill me with a lot of joy and strength. InshAllah, I would like to share similar feelings with my fellow Muslim brothers and Sisters. Indeed, is it not what our Deen is all about? Brotherhood. So basically, this blog is to say a big “You are not alone!”  

Alhamdulillah, there are other interesting English -speaking blogs and Facebook pages run by Muslim parents. These are the ones I know about:                                                

 > Muslim Autism Society Facebook group page

> Stranded Mom, Autism, Parenting, Islam Facebook page

> My autistic Muslim Child (http://myautisticmuslimchild.wordpress.com)

> Through the Puzzle (http://throughthepuzzle.com)

> Abez Sez  (http://www.abezsez.com)

> Muslimah next door (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/muslimahnextdoor/)

InshAllah, I hope we will see more  emerging but more importantly, I would like to invite  Autistic  Adults, teenagers and children to write and talk because you, guys, are the best advocates. I did benefit so much from reading and listening to Carly Fleishmann and Temple Grandin (Both of them are mentioned on my post Resources, services and therapies, Part 1)  InshAllah I pray that my daughter will one day be an advocate too as well as Doctor and Hafitha. O you who are reading this sentence, please say “Ameen” and make a Duaa for my daughter please.  JazakAllah Khairan for that, you are awesome!

My dear Brothers and Sisters, I share tips, advices, strategies and ideas with you that are working for my daughter but I can’t guarantee that they will all be 100% effective with your child. Is every Human being not beautifully unique?  About my opinions and point of views: I am not a dictator so I do allow anyone to voice constructive critics with all due respect.

Ultimately, a huge JazakAllah Khairan to all the Muslim FB pages that shared or liked my blog such as:

Cornwall Muslim Sisters

Muslim Parenting: It Takes a Village To Raise A Child

Resources For Muslim Sisters with Special Needs Children

The South Asian Autism Group-UK,Ireland

Stranded Mom – Autism, Parenting, Islam.

Ihsan(Islamic Holistic School For Alternative Needs)- Beyond Barriers

Disabled Muslims Network

Blue Hijab Day

Ingredients of a happy Muslim marriage

Exceptional Child Educational Services (ECES) Dr.Amani Mahmoud Doughlas

A big JazakAllah Khairan to muslimparentsnetwork.org  for featuring some of my posts 

A big Thank you to my non-Muslims friends on FB for their support and to all those I forgot to name…

 

 

I am a working mum….with an autistic child

Since I became a parent, I truly understood why Allah has exhorted us to honour our parents. It is  easy to conceive a child but to raise one is something else. I don’t think you do realize the responsibility, the hard work that it represents until you have  yours.

Mother status in the 21st Century

Nowadays, the key role of the Mother has been seriously undermined to the extent that she seems to be replaceable. The current trend tends  to encourage parents to delegate their responsabilities to  schools, social services , therapists and others. But obviously when you are looking at the state of our Society, it doesn’t seem to be effective. The right path should be that parents and external bodies ( when necessary)should work together hand in hand!

Moreover, today’s system is clearly stigmatizing the Mother who chooses to stay at home and look after her children. Thus, I would like to share an extract of Rukaiyah Hill Abdusalam’s book* that sums it all: ” Although a poor economy forces many mothers to work, it seems that others in the West are leaving home to get away from the stigma attached to being”just a mother”.Sadly when a woman in America stays home to raise  children she is not allowed the peace and security of knowing that the system upholds and recognizes her role as a wife and mother.” Right to the point, isn’t it?

About myself

I am married and I have two daugthers. My eldest is six and she is autistic. My youngest is 13 months. I am working part-time and my children are staying at the childminder’s while I am at work. Alhamdulillah, Allah has  blessed us with a very patient and caring childminder who hasn’t been  put off by some of my daughter’s challenges . These factors definetly helped me going back to work peacefully.                                                                                                                                                                                          But whether your child is disabled or not, whether you’re working or staying at home, raising a child ain’t an easy job. Although I am often exhausted after a day at the office,  I always strive to  play with my children , take them out, communicate and annoy the teachers and all the therapists involved. I am as good at it as a “Stay at home” mum. So lately, I got very irritated by a “throw away”comment of a parent suggesting  that “children need to have  their mums home”. Some of these judgmental people assume that because you are a working mum, you only care for your career and that your children are left by themselves, sitting for hours in front of a Plasma eating take aways. The ironic thing is that at the end, this lady was begging me to help her finding a job.

So listen, whether you are at home or employed, fashionable or not, be comfortable with your choice  and  your situation !

* Women’s Ideal Liberation- Islamic versus Western Understanding by Rukaiyah Hill Abdulsalam