It was in Winter 2010, on a cold and foggy day. Do you remember this winter in the UK? it had snowed at Christmas holiday.
My daughter was 3 at that time and previously in Summer 2009, she had been diagnosed with ADD and development delay. I was then convinced that ” she was just slightly delayed, she would catch up eventually”. Therefore, I was shoked when the paeditrician at the Special Educational Needs Clinic diagnosed my daughter with Autism. I didn’t say anything but it was going crazy in my little head: “she can’t be autistic!!!”
Even though I hardly knew what Autism was. My knowledge was limited and for me Autism meant she was not normal. “My daughter iiiiis normal, she is just a bit delayed! She can’t speak, she is limited to few words and that the reason why she is aggressive at times!”
We walked back home . I was quiet. If you know me personally, you will know that me not being chatty, is bizarre…
Once home, I played a DVD for my daugter and headed to my room. I then started my grievance. “I can’t believe my daughter will never be able to go to the Madrassa, have friends, get married, have children. And if I die, who’s gonna look after her? My youngest sister is not mature enough, the other one is too materialistic and this will be a big deal for her, my parents are too old!”
I am crying and crying. The followings days, I am not crying anymore but I am angry at my fate, Astaghfirullah! “Why me? Why her? Why can’t she just talk? Why can’t she be like us?” I have to confess, this period lasted a few months.
Now I am fine Alhamdulillah! If Allah gave me that child, Alhamdulillah, he knew what he was doing and I don’t!He knew that I will be strong enough to face the challenges on our road. But to be honest with you, sometimes, I am feeling a bit down and for a couple of seconds, I don’t want to be tested, Astaghfirullah (Again)! To erase this bad thought out of my mind, I remember myself that being strong will take me to Jannah inshAllah!
Children with disabilties are very close to Allah Wa ta Ala as many of them don’t have the capacity to do any wrong and therefore will not be accountable.
Now Brothers and Sisters, your grieving time is over and it’s time for happiness and sabr, sabr, sabr, InshAllah!!!
Special tips: When you’re feeling low, recite Al Ikhlas, Falaaq and Naas.