Diagnosis, from darkness to light

It was in Winter 2010, on a cold and foggy day. Do you remember this winter in the UK? it had snowed at Christmas holiday.
My daughter was 3 at that time and previously in Summer 2009, she had been diagnosed with ADD and development delay. I was then convinced that ” she was just slightly delayed, she would catch up eventually”. Therefore, I was shoked when the paeditrician at the Special Educational Needs Clinic diagnosed my daughter with Autism. I didn’t say anything but it was going crazy in my little head: “she can’t be autistic!!!”
Even though I hardly knew what Autism was. My knowledge was limited and for me Autism meant she was not normal. “My daughter iiiiis normal, she is just a bit delayed! She can’t speak, she is limited to few words and that the reason why she is aggressive at times!”
We walked back home . I was quiet. If you know me personally, you will know that me not being chatty, is bizarre…
Once home, I played a DVD for my daugter and headed to my room. I then started my grievance. “I can’t believe my daughter will never be able to go to the Madrassa, have friends, get married, have children. And if I die, who’s gonna look after her? My youngest sister is not mature enough, the other one is too materialistic and this will be a big deal for her, my parents are too old!”
I am crying and crying. The followings days, I am not crying anymore but I am angry at my fate, Astaghfirullah! “Why me? Why her? Why can’t she just talk? Why can’t she be like us?” I have to confess, this period lasted a few months.
Now I am fine Alhamdulillah! If Allah gave me that child, Alhamdulillah, he knew what he was doing and I don’t!He knew that I will be strong enough to face the challenges on our road. But to be honest with you, sometimes, I am feeling a bit down and for a couple of seconds, I don’t want to be tested, Astaghfirullah (Again)! To erase this bad thought out of my mind, I remember myself that being strong will take me to Jannah inshAllah!
Children with disabilties are very close to Allah Wa ta Ala as many of them don’t have the capacity to do any wrong and therefore will not be accountable.
Now Brothers and Sisters, your grieving time is over and it’s time for happiness and sabr, sabr, sabr, InshAllah!!!

Special tips: When you’re feeling low, recite Al Ikhlas, Falaaq and Naas.


3 thoughts on “Diagnosis, from darkness to light

  1. Assalaamuwalaikum sister,
    I am a mum of a beautiful ,charming ,super hero 5yr old boy who was recently diagnosed with ASD!
    And I hate to call him special because I feel that calling a child special because they have needs extra needs to be met with ……they are special for that only?
    I’d rather call my boy a super hero because he is no less than that I feel so about all the kids and people who are differently abled ! They teach us so much more than we can ever teach them …..
    My lil boy teaches me to be more patient, tolerant ,forgiving and he has this awesome never say die attitude…..in the sense he never ever gives up MashAllah he tries and tries to solve a problem till he eventually does!
    He teaches us what hope is. And that Allah swt is so great that he can make anything happen !
    SubhanAllah he has so many skills that no other child of his age possesses and yet has many many challenges!
    Sister May Allah swt bless u for ur efforts and patience please pray for us too ! U r a great mother and it’s so comforting to read ur posts….can u suggest a diet for ASD?that u have followed ?
    My son speaks but not in full sentences ,has a extraordinary memory ,can read anything but does not know what it means …..he is a techie when it comes to computers he can type almost anything and search for anything on google…..has great spelling and academics is his strength….but again he faces challenges on a daily basis some days are hard he gets easily frustrated nd sad but Alhamdullila I am proud of him ! SubhanAllah Allah has given us an opportunity to get closer to him and my son is the reason for that !so can we call theses kds any less than superheroes because they. Literally go to a battlefield called life with absolutely no armour or shields to protect themselves yet they don’t give up they have the cheer and smile and a heart that keeps on fighting against all odds some day InshAllah I know each one of them will find their place in this world and that will be the proudest moment for us mothers InShallah !
    Prayers and much duas
    Sister in Islam!

    • Assalam aleikoum sis. JazakAllah Kheiran for your comment. sorry for the very late answer but better late than never. My daughter has some bowel issues and we’re trying (all the family) to eat dairy and gluten free. It is for you to see whether it could work for him or not. At the end of the day, all children are different. For us, there have been significant improvements in her speech and understanding sAlhamdulillah. we ‘re trying to eat homemade and fresh too. I have not beenmaking much research on Diet but for sure, it is something to do.xxx

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