Renaissance

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My little prince was born 6 weeks ago, Alhamdulillah.

I haven’t been blogging for way longer than that .Unfortunately, I had to deal with a couple of upsetting events. I am now hoping to enter a new and positive era inshAllah.

My son is a gorgeous, happy and very hungry little boy MashAllah! So, although I am exhausted and a tiny tiny tiny bit overwhelmed, I am very very very happy too.

Being hyperactive and also being the mum of 3 kids and a husband, I am working towards settling a more productive routine .As right now, my days seem to be all the same. Rushing around, cooking, cleaning, breastfeeding and “sometimes” sleeping at night.

But how strange it is that after each pregnancy, birth and maternity time, you become amnesic. Days after days, you forget how hard jobs these all are. It’s probably because there are blessings too!

Feeling bonkers

Winter is definitely here with its cold temperatures, foggy and short days. For the last 2 weeks, I have been a little bit all over the place, struggling to cope with my routine without bursting into tears. But Winter is not the only one to blame.
The hormones are giving me a rough time with its share of mood swings and extreme fatigue. I have just entered the final trimester of my pregnancy and for the third time in my lifetime, I have to put on with that “Dinosaur-like shape” again… (lol )
But Alhamdulillah, behind any hardship, there is always a Khayr (relief).
That is why I am pleased to inform you that after several months, I have finally passed my driving test and I received the lovely card below from my very kind driving instructor.
I have also been handed a pretty bouquet from my line manager on his retirement day in recognition of my hard work.
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Verily, behind any hardship, there is a Khayr (relief)! Verily, behind any hardship, there is a Khayr (relief)! Verily, behind any hardship, there is a Khayr (relief)!

Behind closed doors

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People often praises me for appearing so positive about my daughter’s condition.

To these people, I’d like to say:

> Every Human Being who faces hardship in life will automatically try to handle the situation to the best of their capability. This is Human nature, isn’t it?

> Having a child with Special needs didn’t transform me into a Super mum or a Super Hero. Far from that… Most of the time, I am feeling weak and vulnerable.

> I have not accepted Autism but I acknowledged its presence and its impact in our lives.

> Some days, I am “tolerant” and some days, I lack patience (my number one weakness!). On these misty days, I feel like a complete failure. I am the spoilt child in front of my daughter who is demonstrating so much altruism and compassion.( Altruism and compassion, features you “presumably” hardly find in people with Autism…)

> I am the mother, I am the Neurotypical but at the end of the day, I am learning a big deal of wisdom from this child.

Baby boy

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I am expecting baby nr 3. My daughter “T” is super excited about it. Her teacher and her teaching assistants were informed of my pregnancy well before some members of my own family,in-laws or friends. From the very start, she’s been telling them that “mummy’s got a baby boy inside her belly”. So I haven’t been given a choice on whether I wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret or not.

“A- -b-a-b-y– boy”. Yes, she made her decision on the gender too. It has to be a boy!Although I tried to explain to her that the baby could be a girl too, it just seemed that she refused to take that idea on board. As if she already knew…

When I was pregnant with her, I would never have expected “T” to be autistic or to have any specific condition. I guess like every mum, you innocently believe that everything will be perfect.
That ‘s what makes pregnancy nr 2 and 3 so different from pregnancy nr 1.I don’t take anything for granted anymore. At the back of my head: questions, concerns and worries…
* Is this new child going to be healthy?
* Is he going to have any learning disabilities?
* Is he going to have any physical handicap?
* Is he going to be ill?

Allahu Alaam (Allah knows best), whatever happens should happen and InshAllah, we will all be alright.

Should I stay or Should I go?

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Should I stay or should I go? This is the question.
I used to be much more consistent on my blogging a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, this is not the case anymore and I am feeling a bit ashamed about it. I shared a lot of my thoughts and I have been in touch with some lovely people. It made me feel so good, feeling that I was not on my own on that Autistic boat. Right now, I feel like I kind of let some people down. That’s why I am pondering. Should I shut down my blog in the next coming weeks?
I know I have been blogging less and less because I was engaged in way too many activities too and as I have decided after Ramadan, I wish to spend more time with my little family, spend more time in my ibadat and also sew.
So how am I doing?
>Well, you should never be satisfied with the time you’re spending on your worship or doing things for the sake of Allah because you might end up being lazy again. But I am happy because I am feeling closer to my Creator right now but this is still a work in progress and this for the rest of my life inshAllah.

> I am not spending enough time with my children and hubby but by working full time, this is what you should expect. Alhamdulillah this should change in a couple of months inshAllah.

> Sewing, we’re getting there inshAllah…2h30 per week Mashallah!

I am at a crossroad…

Back from holidays,back to school and back to work

Haven’t been blogging for a while.

I just returned from a trip to Belgium a couple of days ago. I have been literally touring to my in-laws and other family. I am knocked down, worse than before I left. Can you imagine ? SubhAnallah, i am back to work on Tuesday, I am already stressing about it. Trying to keep my head cool, I will survive another year inshAllah.DSCF0707

Ramadan resolutions

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Another Ramadan has gone and I have been thinking of a couple of resolutions .
Alhamdulillah, Ramadan helped me realize how exhausting this year had been for me and how I urgently need to slow down.

Resolution nr 1: Less courses

Since April, I am working full-time which is a good thing but I also enrolled to way too many courses and classes considering that I also have 2 young children and a husband (or a third child, some might say)
This is why this trimester, I have decided to enrol only to relaxing and fun classes (ie Sewing and Upholstery)
Cooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!

Resolution nr 2: Looking after myself

I lost weight. I also look like I haven’t been sleeping well for months. ( which is somehow the truth!)
The alarm rang when one day my line manager told me to relax and to look after myself. Later on, my supervisor sent me home when it wasn’t time for me to go
I must have looked pretty ugly on that day.

This is all my fault. I gave up my Yoga-at-home sessions when I vowed to practice it as much as possible
So That’s it ! I am going to follow that beauty queen healthy lifestyle: loads of sleep and loads of water to drink.
I am also planning to treat myself to that Muslim Beauty Salon in Streatham “to sort out my face”.
And to end with, I’ll try to spend a little bit more of my budget on Beauty goodies “to keep fit”!

Resolution 3: Chilling at home and spending more time with the girls

I need to find more time to play with them. They are all over the moon when I am being the crazy mummy.


Resolution 4: Spending more time in my ibadat

Definitely thinking of registering to the Islamic Online University set up by Bilal Philips. There are quite a lot of courses available for free with audio and video features. That will enable me to learn while cooking or cleaning. Hurray!

Ok then, let’s start now. Steady, ready, go!